J is for Jerry
A conversation between Andy, the main character in Breathers, and Jerry, his best friend…
Andy: Jerry is a twenty-one-year-old car crash victim with an exposed brain and very little self awareness.
Jerry: (Waving) Hey.
Andy: They can’t see you, Jerry. This isn’t on television.
Jerry: Oh. (Simulates masturbation) So they can’t see this?
Andy: (ignoring Jerry) A fifth of Jack Daniels, half a dozen bong hits, no seat belt, a utility pole, and bad judgment on a right-hand turn sent Jerry through the windshield of his cherry red 1974 Charger and skidding along River Street on his face.
Jerry: Road rash city.
Andy: Which is how he ended up as a member of Undead Anonymous.
Jerry: Total bummer.
Andy: Yes. But maybe you wouldn’t be a zombie if you would have exercised a little more common sense behind the wheel of your car.
Jerry: Dude, you fell asleep while driving home from a party and like, totally killed your wife.
(Sound of crickets chirping)
Jerry: Sorry dude. That was harsh.
Andy: It’s okay. At least I don’t wear my baseball hat sideways and my pants halfway down my ass.
Jerry: (hiking up his pants) It’s the style, dude. The chicks dig it.
Andy: Breather women don’t dig undead, decomposing slackers.
Jerry: Yeah, but there’s some totally hot zombie chicks out there who are interested in a good stiffy.
Andy: You’re referring to your permanent, post-mortem erection.
Jerry: Terminal boner, dude.
Andy: Jerry fancies himself a ladies man among zombies.
Jerry: (popping a couple of peppermint Altoids) Curiously strong.
Andy: Yeah, well, they’ll have to be more than curious to have an impact on your breath.
Jerry: Or I could go around wearing women’s make-up like you.
Andy: I think we’re done here.
Jerry: (removing his hat and leaning forward) Dude, you wanna touch my brain?
(Next entry: K is for ??? Send me your suggestions)
