Day of the UnDead
my name is andy and I’m a survivor.
at least that’s what i’m supposed to say and think and believe. but i can’t say it, i don’t think it, and the only thing i believe is that this is worse than anything i could have imagined.
just so you understand, here are the basic facts you need to know about what happened to me:
- i died in a car accident when my volkswagen passat slammed into a redwood tree at sixty miles per hour
- i reanimated three days later and walked away from my coffin, just like jesus, only without the halo and the all-expenses paid trip to heaven
- my left ear is mangled, my face looks like a jigsaw puzzle, and my vocal cords were so badly damaged that i have to wear a dry erase board around my neck to communicate
- my left arm is useless, the bones pulverized from my shoulder to my elbow, ending in a twisted claw that used to be my left hand, which makes using the shift key a pain in the ass
- my left ankle is broken and twisted at such an angle that my toes are pointing at my right foot, so when i walk i’m hunched forward and limping, one arm hanging useless, the quintessential, stereotypical zombie. even if i wear a hoodie, i stand out like a vegetarian at a texas barbecue.
needless to say, halloween seems more fitting than it used to. after all, it’s not like I need a costume anymore.
