My First Zombie Christmas
so, for christmas, my parents bought me a book.
monsters: a field guide to blood-thirsty beasts, by dave elliott
i’m not really sure what mom and dad were thinking. maybe they thought this would be good research material for me on my own nature, a feel-good book to compare and contrast me with the other living damned and their cousins. whatever their reason, the author of the book has no idea what he’s talking about when it comes to zombies.
first of all, he differentiates between zombies and the living dead, saying that with zombies, the transformation is reversible. nothing against the whole voodoo thing and i don’t want to piss of the haitians, but i’m a zombie and there’s nothing reversible about it. undead. living dead. zombie. it’s just semantics.
he goes on to say that we can’t think for ourselves, that we lack conversation skills, and that we feel no physical pain or have feelings of any kind.
well, he’s right on the physical pain. mostly there’s just an unpleasant sense of dead weight, which i think comes from the body fluids settling. and even though our tear ducts have stopped working and we can’t physically cry, we can still get our feelings hurt.
