Undead Anonymous

No. The Princess in the blog title does not stand for The Princess Diaries, just in case you were wondering. And although I’ve seen Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Phantom of the Opera, I’ve never read the French novel on which it’s based.

I’ve also never read The Pearl (Steinbeck), The Picture of Dorian Gray (Wilde), or Pride and Prejudice (Austen), with or without zombies. I’m not a big Jane Austen fan, so adding zombies to one of her books isn’t going to compel me to read it. You could add zombies to The Bridges of Madison County and I’m not going to read that, either. Though I do have a signed copy of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies on my bookshelf.

Some of the titles I have read include Patient Zero (Maberry), Pressure (Strand), Phantoms (Koontz), Pet Semetary (King), and Presumed Innocent (Turow). I currently have Perfume: The Story of a Murderer (Suskind) on my stack of books to read, though it keeps getting pushed back by all of these books I keep buying. Someday…

On to my favorite books that start with the letter P:

One for the money:
The Princess Bride, William Goldman
This is another instance where I read the book after I saw the film, so my memory of it is somewhat colored by the Hollywood version. But since Goldman wrote the screenplay as well, it stays truer than most adaptations. Good writing, memorable characters, great dialogue, an adventurous plot, and lots of fun twists and turns gives this one top billing. It’s a joyous romp of a read.

Two for the show:
Post Office, Charles Bukowski
A recommendation from a writer friend of mine, this first novel by Bukowski is apparently as much autobiography as it is fiction. Filled with down and out Americans, booze, gambling, failed relationships, meaningless work, and a main character who is more cynical than Sam Spade and Han Solo. This novel is a good introduction for anyone interested in reading the author who TIME called a “laureate of American lowlife.”

Three to get ready:
The Phantom Tollbooth, Norton Juster
I didn’t read much as a kid. I hated going to the library and checking out books, which invariably sat on my dresser, unread, until the due date arrived. But I remember loving this adventure fairy tale about a bored kid who discovers a magic tollbooth and decides to drive through it into another world. A classic childrens’ story worth re-reading as an adult.

O. I like the letter O.

The whole circular nature of things. Every end a new beginning. That sort of nonsense. But when I first sat down to figure out my favorite books that start with the letter O, I could only think of my top three, plus a couple I never read. Then I actually started focusing (which means I cheated and searched for titles on the Internet) and realized I’d read a lot more for this entry than I’d thought.

Some of the titles that didn’t make the list include Oliver Twist (Dickens), Odd Thomas (Koontz), Out of Sight (Leonard), The Outsiders (Hinton), and The Old Man and the Sea. Which should come as no surprise, considering my lack of enthusiasm for Hemingway. And since he’s already made my Classic Literature Razzies list once for A Farewell to Arms, I figured I’d let him slide this time.

Some of titles I’ve never read include On the Road (Kerouac) and One Hundred Years of Solitude (Márquez). I keep thinking I should eventually get around to them, but I’d rather watch Arrested Development on Netflix.

The Big O:
The Odyssey, Homer
I love Greek mythology and this epic poem has it all. Cyclops, Syclla, Charybdis, Sirens, a witch-goddess, sacred cows, a bunch of horny Suitors, a determined hero, death, adventure, treachery, love, betrayal, and a bunch of meddling, bickering gods screwing around with everyone’s fates while enjoying the perks of their Mount Olympus HOA.

Two for the Money:
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Ken Kesey
I will admit that the film version has filtered its way into my memories (since I read Cuckoo’s Nest in high school), but the book is populated with memorable characters, including the rebellious McMurphy, the controlling Nurse Ratched, and the silent Chief, through whose eyes we experience the book’s narrative. While the film version is a fairly solid adaptation and Nicholson steals the show, the novel is worth the read.

Three’s Company:
Of Mice and Men, John Steinbeck
While technically a novella written as a play, this is the second of Steinbeck’s Dustbowl trilogy (sandwiched between In Dubious Battle and The Grapes of Wrath). Having never read Cannery Row or East of Eden, I admittedly have a smaller pool to choose from, but this is my favorite Steinbeck novel. Painful and tender and tragic, the themes of loneliness resonate more than 70 years after the book’s publication. (Odd Trivia – Apparently, an early draft of the novel was eaten by his dog.)

Favorite Guilty Pleasure:
The Other Side of Midnight, Sidney Sheldon
Not my favorite guilty pleasure of all time (that still goes to Waterworld), but I read several Sidney Sheldon novels in high school (including Bloodline and If Tomorrow Comes), and this was my favorite of the three.

While I’ve been spending a lot of time lately talking about my favorite books and authors who have inspired me, I’m also a big fan of movies and they’ve had as much of an influence on my writing as literature.

Over the past twenty years, I’ve developed an appreciation for a number of writers and directors, including the Coen Brothers (Raising Arizona, Fargo, The Big Lebowski), Charlie Kaufman (Being John Malkovich, Adaptation, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind), David O. Russell (Flirting With Disaster, Three Kings, I Heart Huckabees), Wes Anderson (Rushmore, The Royal Tenenbaums, The Darjeeling Limited), and David Fincher (Fight Club, Alien 3, Seven).

There’s more, but I figured that was enough.

As for my favorite films of all time, I did it purely my letter association, picking the first two films that popped into my head for each letter of the alphabet – though I could only come up with one film for Y and no titles for Q. Of course, limiting the list to two per letter caused me to leave out a number of films I really enjoyed, like Adaptation, CQ, Ghostbusters, and Scotland, PA. But I think this is a pretty good representation of the movies that have influenced and inspired me in one way or another:

A – Alien / Almost Famous
B – Being John Malkovich / The Big Lebowski
C – Caddyshack / Close Encounters of the Third Kind
D – Donnie Darko / Diner
E – Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind / The Empire Strikes Back
F – Fight Club / Flirting With Disaster
G – The Graduate / Groundhog Day
H – High Anxiety / Halloween
I – I Heart Huckabees / It’s a Wonderful Life
J – Jaws / Jacob’s Ladder
K – Kingpen / Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
L – L.A. Confidential / Lost in Translation
M – The Matrix / Mystery Men
N – Night of the Living Dead / Napoleon Dynamite
O – Ocean’s Eleven / Office Space
P – Pulp Fiction / The Princess Bride
R – The Royal Tenenbaums / Raiders of the Lost Ark
S – Star Wars / South Park
T – There’s Something About Mary / Tremors
U – Unbreakable / The Usual Suspects
V – Very Bad Things / V is for Vendetta
W – What Planet Are You From? / When Harry Met Sally
X – The X-Files / X-Men
Y – Young Frankenstein
Z – Zoolander / The Zero Effect

What are some of your favorite films of all time?

Well, the second half of the alphabet starts off with a lot of empty seats in the audience. Not that it’s a reflection on the quality of titles for this entry, just the quantity. Two titles, no wild cards, and only four total books I’ve read that start with the letter N. I even searched on the Internet for books I might have read and forgotten about and couldn’t find anything remotely familiar.

Other than the two titles that I’d recommend, the only other books I’ve read for this entry are both by Stephen King: Needful Things and Nightmares and Dreamscapes. And while I love King, I can’t bump either of these two titles into the third spot on the list.

So on to the best two books I’ve read that begin with the letter N:

Top Dog:
1984, George Orwell
Give me a better and more influential dystopian novel than this one and I’ll put it on my list of books to read. Orwell’s novel about a totalitarian regime and a manipulated society is a cautionary satire about nationalism, sexual repression, and censorship, condemning intellectualism and emotional intimacy. It also spawned several terms and concepts that have become common in contemporary usage, including the term Orwellian. And while the Thought Police might not be a reality, Big Brother is watching you.

Second Fiddle:
No Sleep Till Wonderland, Paul Tremblay
This is the sequel to Tremblay’s The Little Sleep, an homage to the benchmark of detective noir novels, The Big Sleep, by Raymond Chandler. The play on words with the titles alludes to the main character, a down-and-out private detective who suffers from narcolepsy, which causes him to nod off and hallucinate at inopportune moments. The writing is crisp and engaging, the plot intriguing, and the humor sharp and often laugh-out-loud funny. While both books are fun reads, I liked No Sleep Till Wonderland a little bit more.

We’ve hit the halfway point in my list of Favorite Novels from A to Z, and I have to wax cliché when I say that the letter M doesn’t hold a candle to the books that topped the list for the letter L.  But when your favorite and most influential books you’ve ever read take the stage, whatever comes next is going to be a bit of a letdown.  However, that doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy them.

Some of the books that didn’t make this week’s list include The Maltese Falcon (Hammett), Mr. X (Straub), Mr. Murder and Midnight (Koontz), and Maximum Bob (Leonard). I never read The Martian Chronicles (Bradbury), Mysteries of Pittsburgh (Chabon), or Mystic River (Lehane), though I enjoyed the film versions.

King of the mountain:
Misery, Stephen King
At less than 340 pages, this is one of King’s shortest reads, which helps to increase the tension as writer Paul Sheldon, injured in a car accident, is held prisoner in a remote cabin by his biggest fan. Annie Wilkes is one of King’s most memorable characters (probably due to Kathy Bates portrayal in the film). But in the movie, Annie just breaks his ankle with a sledge hammer. In the book, she cuts off his foot with an axe and cauterizes his severed ankle with a blow torch. Ouch.

Second fiddle:
Mirror Mirror, Gregory Maguire
An intriguing retelling of the Snow White story by the author of Wicked (which I personally feel was far superior to the Broadway musical adaptation, but I digress.) While not as clever or as memorable as his debut novel, Mirror Mirror does a great job of creating a dark world that existed 600 years ago with beautiful prose, twisting the Snow White legend around, and giving us a very different perspective of the seven dwarfs.  Enchanting.

Third is the word:
Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH, Robert C. O’Brien
One of my favorite books I read when I was a kid, right up there with Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and The Phantom Tollbooth. The idea of rats with intelligence that enables them to read, write, and create their own society was enthralling to read as a child. A wonderful adventure that incorporates themes of friendship and cooperation. Read it again for the first time.

Classic Literature Razzie #3:
Moby Dick, Herman Melville
I know this is supposed to be the Great American Novel and that it’s another one of those books that serious writers are supposed to love and be influenced by and rave about, but I found it painful and laborious. Which I guess excludes me from the Serious Writers’ Club.  Talk all you want about symbolism and metaphor and social commentary. What you’ve got is a boatload of seamen chasing after a giant sperm whale named Moby Dick. Not a lot of subtle nuance there.

After struggling to find books for the last two letters of the alphabet, I have a glut of novels I’ve read for the letter L, including The Lord of the Rings (Tolkien), Less Than Zero (Ellis), The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (Lewis), The Lost World (Crichton), The Lottery (Jackson), and The Little Sleep (Tremblay).

While the first two selections on the list were never in doubt, I found myself having to make a tough call for the final spot. In the end, what it came down to was what I would pick up right now to read again, so I ended up leaving Lolita (Nabokov) and Life of Pi (Martel) on the outside looking in.

Numero Uno:
Lord of the Flies, William Golding
If I had to name one book to take with me on a desert island, it would be, ironically, this one. The allegorical themes of human nature and loss of innocence aside, the story, characters, and writing are unforgettable. SPOILER ALERT: If by some bizarre reason you haven’t read this book, I’m going to ruin it for you right now, so you might want to stop reading. I can still see the pig’s head on a stick surrounded by flies, Piggy getting killed by the boulder, and Simon’s body floating out to sea – which is one of the most beautiful scenes I’ve ever read. My favorite book of all time. I’ve got the conch!

Second in command:
Lullaby, Chuck Palahniuk
Had I not read this novel in October of 2002 while on a plane to Paris, I don’t know if I would have ever written Breathers. While I’d written short stories that were dark comedy, I’d never considered turning one of them into a full-length novel prior to reading Lullaby, which spoke to me in a way I’d never been spoken to before. Smart, dark, and at times laugh-out-loud funny, this is my favorite Palahniuk novel and one of the most influential books I’ve ever read.

Last but not least:
Lamb, Christopher Moore
If Lullaby is my favorite Palahniuk novel, this is my favorite by Moore. Subtitled as The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal, it recounts the lost years of Jesus through the eyes of “Levi bar Alphaeus who is called Biff.” I found myself laughing, enthralled, educated, appalled, and thoroughly entertained all at the same time. You’ll never look at Christianity the same way again.

Book that made me eat more vegetables:
Lost Souls, Poppy Z. Brite
In 2000, while training for a sprint triathlon, I cut back on my consumption of meat because eating it weighed me down and seemed counterproductive to my training. After the triathlon, while reading Lost Souls, which contains scenes of vampires drinking wine bottles of blood, I cut into a medium rare steak, took one bite, and realized I had no desire to eat meat any more. (Though, to be honest, I will eat a double chili cheese burger from Tommy’s when I’m in Los Angeles. And bacon smells good.)

Apparently, I’ve stumbled into a bit of a literary desert here, as I’m struggling to find titles of books I’ve read that begin with the letters J and K. At least with my previous entry I was able to come up with three titles, but I’ve searched my bookshelves and online databases and my gradually deteriorating memory and could only come up with two books I’ve read that begin with the letter K. (And To Kill a Mockingbird falls under T, so I can’t include it here.)

However, both of the titles below are worthy of making the list. There are no charity cases here. Though this one was too close to call.

Wins by a nose:
Kockroach, Tyler Knox
Even if you’ve never read Kafka’s Metamorphosis, you’ll get a kick out of this tale about a cockroach who wakes up one morning in 1950s era New York to discover that he’s become human. Narrated in alternating chapters from the POVs of the three main characters, Kockroach is a dark, humorous, literary noir that puts a whole new twist on the search for the American dream.

A close second:
The Keep, F. Paul Wilson
This is another one of the novels that influenced me in the early stages of my desire to become a writer. Set in a Nazi occupied castle in 1941 Romania, the book is packed full of chills and mystery and folklore. One of my favorite horror novels of all time. Unfortunately, it’s tough to find a copy at retail price anymore but if you can get your hands on one and enjoy a good horror novel, you won’t be disappointed.

I think this is the first post where all three books were all made into films. And, unless my brain is more full of cobwebs than I realize, I believe I saw all three of these in the theater before I read the novels.

However, I will be honest and say that none of these three would make my Top 50 books of all time. Maybe not even the Top 100. I really should make that list. But since I’m doing this alphabetically, every letter gets to participate.

So with that enthusiastic build-up, here are my favorite novels that start with the letter J:

Number 1:
Jurassic Park, Michael Crichton
Whether you consider it a straight science fiction novel or a cautionary tale on biological tinkering, the novel is a lot of fun, especially to imagine that it could be possible. One of the aspects I enjoyed most about the book as opposed to the film was that the Velociraptors, not the T-Rex, were the star dinosaurs. The whole storyline about them breeding and getting off the island by boat was left out of the movie.

Number 2:
Jaws, Peter Benchley
I saw the film when I was nine years old and that was pretty much it for me ever taking up surfing. While it’s tough to beat Roy Scheider, Robert Shaw, and Richard Dreyfuss, I still enjoyed the book, which I read just a few years after seeing the movie. But I can’t help but think the film had some impact on the book ending up on this list.

Number 3:
The Joy Luck Club, Amy Tan
Again, a book I’d read after the film, the book was written in vignettes from the different POVs of four immigrant Chinese mothers and their daughters who live in San Francisco. I don’t really have anything else to say, other than the fact that I liked it. How’s that for a ringing endorsement?

Favorite Short Story Collection:
Just After Sunset, Stephen King
Not my favorite of all time, but I didn’t have another J book to slot into the wild card spot. So I went with this one. Not King’s best collection (that nod goes to Skeleton Crew), but enough to renew my appreciation in his short stories. Plus he’s got a way with words that I can’t help but appreciate. He’s just a good storyteller.

While there’s no “I” in team, there are plenty of “I’s” in my library of books I’ve read. More, so far, than any other letter of the alphabet.

There’s The Informers (Ellis), Infected (Sigler), If You Could See Me Now (Straub), The Icarus Agenda (Ludlum), I Never Promised You A Rose Garden (Green), Interview With A Vampire (Rice), IT (King), and Insomnia (King again).

The three that made it on my list are a diverse group of non-linear dark comedy, true crime, and science fiction/horror. So without further ado, here are my favorite novels that begin with the letter I:

Top of the heap:
Invisible Monsters, Chuck Palahniuk
While not my favorite Palahniuk novel, it’s in the top three and has one of the best opening paragraphs of any book I’ve ever read along with one of my favorite quotes: “Another thing is no matter how much you think you love somebody, you’ll step back when the pool of their blood edges up too close.” Told in a non-linear style that from the POV of a disfigured supermodel, the writing is crisp, fast-paced, and quintessential Palahniuk.

Next in line:
In Cold Blood, Truman Capote
Possibly the only non-fiction entry to make the list, Capote’s book about the brutal murders of a Kansas family in 1959 is often regarded by critics as a pioneer of the true crime novel. While the book has been criticized for its factual account of the events, there’s no denying Capote’s talent and masterful use of the written word.

Bringing up the rear:
I Am Legend, Richard Matheson
Although George Romero credits this novel with being the inspiration for his film Night of the Living Dead, I will still argue that the book is about a vampire apocalypse, not zombies. Still, if you’re a zombie fan, Matheson’s novel is often considered as being influential in the development of the zombie genre and the concept of a worldwide disease apocalypse. If you saw the Will Smith film, you should read the novel to understand why the book lives up to its title and the film cops out.

Second favorite epic poem in dactylic hexameter:
The Iliad, Homer
I’m a sucker for Greek mythology. I wonder what my favorite epic poem might be?

Actually, that would be an interesting way to make your way across the country. Though I’m not really sure about the heartshaped part. Maybe that just means you’re full of love for mankind. Or else you’ve got some serious physical abnormalities.

Some titles that didn’t make the final cut for my favorite book titles that begin with the letter H include The Hobbit, Hocus Pocus, Hunchback of Notre Dame, and The Hunt for Red October.  Come to think of it, I never read that last one.  I just saw the movie.  Which, admittedly, I do a lot.

On to the winners…

Best of the best:
High Fidelity, Nick Hornby
Although I saw the movie first and loved it (I’m a big John Cusack fan), I thought the novel about a neurotic record collector and his failed relationships was an excellent read. Well-written, entertaining, funny, and populated with characters that I enjoyed getting to know. As far as first novels go, it doesn’t get much better than this.

Second best:
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams
Another instance where I saw the film before I read the book. While I haven’t read the other novels that comprise the rest of the story, I had a lot of fun with this, enjoying the premise and the social commentary and the humor, as well as the excerpts from the Hitchhiker’s Guide. And I have to say as far as the movie goes, Alan Rickman was the perfect voice for Marvin, the cynical and depressed robot.

Best of the rest:
Heart Shaped Box, Joe Hill
I don’t know if Joe Hill admits to the influence his famous father had on his writing, but for me, Heart Shaped Box is a chip off the Richard Bachman block. Bachman, of course, being the pseudonym of Stephen King, who tended to write a little darker and edgier and with a more feverish pace than King. This is probably the best horror novel I’ve read in the past five years.

Series of books I never got into:
Harry Potter, J.K. Rowling
I read the first few chapter of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, and then stopped. I found the concept of muggles and wizards more interesting than when Harry went to Hogwarts and the story ended up being all about the wizards. But then, I don’t have as much money as J.K. Rowling.