Ask Andy #3
apologies for taking a while to post. i was incarcerated at the spca for taking a walk on sunday in front of a church, which was not only breaking one of the undead commandments but offensive to the pious breathers in attendance.
which brings us to this week’s question from hippigoth, who asks:
do you keep in touch with your former (living) friends/relatives? and if so, how have those relationships changed? difficulty making conversation around the table over the holidays?
my breather friends have all developed a convenient case of amnesia that wiped away all traces of the friendships we shared before my reanimation. occasionally i see them when i’m out shuffling along the street to one of the undead anonymous meetings and when i do, they always look away or cross to the other side of the street. but at least they never shout out slurs or throw expired food products at me.
relatives? i live with mom and dad in their wine cellar, which i guess proves that you never stop being a parent, even when your son comes back from the dead. though i can’t say there’s a whole lot of parental affection. dad constantly complains about the stench of my rotting flesh while mom screams and sprays me with lysol whenever i get too close, which never happened when i was alive. so yeah, i guess you could say things have changed.
and as for difficulty making conversation around the table over holidays…you have no idea. first of all, it’s tough to make conversation when your vocal cords are damaged beyond repair and you have to wear a dry erase board around your neck to communicate. as for the thanksgiving dinner, as the meal went on and the turkey began to look alot like me, well let’s just say mom and dad kind of lost their appetites.
keep the questions coming. until next time, this is andy warner, recently reanimated corpse, signing off.
