Undead Anonymous

To most Breathers, all zombies look alike. It’s a common misperception, as there are obvious differences that separate us even in undeath. Of course, all Breathers look like lunch to us, so I guess I shouldn’t throw stones.

Among the living dead, you’ll find Draggers, who don’t have the use of their legs and have to drag themselves around by their arms. You don’t see too many Draggers. For one, they typically get donated to science shortly after reanimating and for another, they have a hard time outrunning drunk bowling leagues.

Then there are Freshies, the recently reanimated who have the stink of the living still on them. Still, most of them don’t exactly smell like Irish Spring. More like summer compost. Unless they’ve had a formaldehyde fix. Some embalmed Freshies could even pass for Breathers if it weren’t for the gray pallor and the occasional belch of hydrogen sulphide.

Other zombies are like walking science experiments, serving host to a plethora of bacteria, fungi, and maggots. These are the unlucky ones who didn’t get embalmed and who suffer the indignities of putrefaction as their muscles collapse, their skin slips, and their internal organs turn to chicken soup.

In zombie circles, we refer to these pathetic souls as Melters.

For obvious reasons, Melters don’t have long shelf lives. If they don’t disintegrate first, most Melters end up getting carted off to medical research farms or placed in the temporary exhibits at zombie zoos. Though they don’t make good candidates as crash test dummies since Melters tend to explode on impact.