Undead Anonymous

Andy Warner here, reanimated corpse and undead hero of Breathers, filled with human flesh and holiday cheer.

As it’s the time of year for consumer consumption, and as I’ve been asked what I would like to find under the tree, I thought I’d let everyone know what is on Andy’s Christmas wish list. But rather than a list of stocking stuffers, I thought I’d share my thoughts to the tune of Rodgers and Hammerstein’s “My Favorite Things.”

With all due respect to Julie Andrews and singing Austrian governesses everywhere…

Blood drops on noses and bite wounds on screamers,
Fresh tender kidneys and warm toasted femurs,
Fraternity pledges all tied up with strings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Blueberry brain stems and crisp Breather strudels,
Eyeballs and earlobes and tonsils with noodles,
Undead Anonymous pot luck meetings,
These are a few of my favorite things .

Dead guys in coffins with red gaping gashes,
Corpses that wake up from fatal car crashes,
Embalming treatments and Pine-Sol soakings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When my flesh rots,
When my skin slips,
When I lose a limb,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don’t feel so grim.