Undead Anonymous

Ask Andy – Zombie Day Care

Mariah asks:

Is it possible for zombies to have kids of their own? Like you and Rita?

Yes, it is possible, but (and this is a SPOILER ALERT for anyone who hasn’t read my memoir, so fair warning) it’s only possible because of the regenerative effects of consuming Breather.  Preferably fresh Breather, with a good Italian herb marinade or a tangy teriyaki glaze.  Au jus is good, too, but you’ll want your Breather rare for that.  It gets me salivating just thinking about it.

Where were we?  Zombie children.  Right.  Sorry.  I tend to get distracted when I start getting culinary.

While it is possible for zombies to have children, providing the parents consume enough Breather to restore their reproductive organs, the child will be born needing to consume Breather in order to survive.  Otherwise, like the rest of us, the child will eventually decompose until he’s nothing but a pile of bones.  So it’s a bit of a challenge bringing a zombie child into the world, especially since most newborns aren’t supposed to eat solid foods.  And I’m thinking of just two words:

Creamed Breather.

Thanks for the question, Mariah.  Until next time…

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